My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
