I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
