she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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