i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everyone says I win the strip club
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
