I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
