all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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