I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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