Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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