Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
