i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
