I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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