Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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