If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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