Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
