I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
