I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
