im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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