while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
