Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
