I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
