So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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