I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
