Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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