We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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