i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
