i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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