so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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