I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
