Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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