i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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