Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
