A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The struggles of a small town man whore
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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