The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
