Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
