Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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