How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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