I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Boobs speak an international language.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
