Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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