Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
