Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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