there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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