this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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