It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
