from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
