I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
