She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
