while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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