Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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