Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
