i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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