tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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