The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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