You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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