he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
