I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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