I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
