We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
