I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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