Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
